I wish that television and movies gave more of their precious screen time to modeling different ways to navigate and negotiate protection. All sexual partners should discuss these issues (when relevant). They talk about preventing unwanted pregnancy, and they also talk about avoiding the transmission of sexually transmitted infections. While they used toys within a BDSM framework, toys can add pleasure and fun to lots of sexual scenarios.
Check out some feminist toy stores like Good Vibrations and Babeland. All kinds of sexual toys and props can be found to enhance all kinds of sexual pleasure. Even if a person consents to sex at the beginning of a sexual encounter, that person ALWAYS has a right to withdraw consent at any time. The implementation of safewords demonstrates that consent is an ongoing process. By using these safewords, Ana can effectively withdraw her consent, and Grey will stop.
Grey suggests two safewords: yellow (“I’m reaching my limit”) and red (“I need you to stop now no questions asked”). Used in kink, safewords can be helpful to all kinds of sexual partners for the maintenance of sexual consent. Sometimes he simply asks, “Trust me?” His words and actions clearly demonstrate that he cares whether or not he has her enthusiastic consent to be sexual with her. Sometimes he does it by telling her exactly what he plans on doing. Except for that first kiss, Grey checks in with Ana before they have sex. Spoiler alert: I will speak specifically about the sexual and romantic relationship between Ana and Grey as portrayed in the first book, but I will not give away any major plot details. James for providing us with this opportunity to explore these all-too-unconventional sex ed lessons: Why? Maybe because that’s not how they see it happening in the media. As a sex educator, when I sit with a group of teenagers and encourage them to talk before, during, and after sexual activity, they protest.
They talk about sex before, during, and after they have sex. I like 50 Shades of Grey because they actually talk about sex. There are many reasons this dominant script is problematic. I found the book to be quite a welcome interruption of the dominant script for sex and romance that I see in the media: boy meets girl, boy woos girl, boy gets girl to have sex with him without ever discussing sex as an activity or checking for her enthusiastic verbal consent. When I read 50 Shades of Grey last week, I expected to be disappointed and dismayed.
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